Why did God tell David that He would have given him more wives if He had intended for men to only have one wife?

Sincerely,
Monogamous

Dear Monogamous,

Polygamy is never expressly condemned in the Bible.  It is also never treated as the standard… only the exception.  There are scores of examples of monogamy being God’s preference for man:

1. Adam & Eve were designed monogamously (Gen. 2:24).
2. No polygamy existed until seven generations after Adam (Gen 4:19).
3. Noah, the last righteous man of his day, had only one wife (Gen 7:13).
4. It is a qualification for an elder (Tit 1:6).
5. It is a qualification for a deacon (1 Tim 3:12).
6. It is a qualification for a worthy widow (1 Tim 5:9).
7. Every New Testament command for a husband or wife assumes monogamy in the commandments (Mk 10:12, 1 Cor 7:3, Eph 5:33, etc.).
8. The comparison of Christ and the church to a husband and wife relies on a monogamous design for marriage (Eph 5:22-23).
9. God clearly states it as His design for marriage in the New Testament (1 Cor 7:2).

On the same hand, there are multiple examples of the pitfalls of polygamy:

1. Sarah and Hagar fought (Gen 16:4).
2. Rachel and Leah fought over Jacob (Gen 29:30-31).
3. Hannah and Penninah’s rivalry (1 Sam 1:2-6)
4. Solomon’s idolatrous wives (1 Kings 11:4)

God allowed polygamy in the Old Testament because the Old Testament was a tutor designed to lead people toward a better and more permanent covenant (Gal 3:24-25).  David lived in a time when God allowed polygamy even though it wasn’t His long-term preference for mankind.  In the New Testament, we are told God desires for marriage to be between one man and one woman (1 Cor 7:2).

I need help.  Every time someone in our family passes away, my son gets scared.  People that are adults have told him that people who have passed can come back and visit us.  He will not sleep alone for a long time by himself.  My aunt just passed away this week, and we are dealing with it again.  I do not know if this spirit or ghost thing is true or not because I have not ever seen one.  I do not want to tell him lies, so I figured the best thing is to ask a preacher if it is true or made up, and I will explain it to him.  Thank you and hope you can help.

Sincerely,
Ghost Buster

Dear Ghost Buster,

Death is a very difficult concept for children to cope with, and myths can make a tricky subject even more trying.  When people die, they do not come back to visit us.  Heb 9:27 says that when we die, we go to meet God – we don’t come back.  Lk 16:19-23 tells us that when people die, good or bad, they go to Paradise or torments.  Ghost stories and tales of spirits are just that – stories and tales.  You can confidently tell your son that no one is coming back to visit him, and he can rest easy knowing God is in control.

How does the church deal with a pastor and minister having a sexual relationship that the members know about (factual, not gossip)?  It has the body of the church very disturbed.

Sincerely,
Shocked By Scandal

Dear Shocked By Scandal,

The church has the responsibility to stand up against illicit affairs, especially when it is found within the church’s leadership.  Paul warned the Ephesian church that there would come a time when their leadership would behave in an evil fashion (Acts 20:28-30) and that the only answer to an openly sinful leader was to stand up against him (1 Tim 5:19-20).  We should never be hasty about church discipline (1 Tim 5:22), but we should also never show partiality toward someone just because they are in a position of authority (1 Tim 5:21).

Those who upset the church and destroy the faith of others need to be stopped.  You have no other choice but to rebuke them and withdraw from those living wickedly (1 Cor 5:13).

How does adultery affect a family?

Sincerely,
Damage Control

Dear Damage Control,

Adultery is devastating to a family.  Adultery breaks the vows of marriage and destroys the trust that God intended for marriage (1 Cor 6:16).  It is debilitating to the emotional well-being of the spouse that has been cheated on.  God said that marriage is meant to be built upon love and respect (Eph 5:33) – adultery decimates both of those.

Children grow up too fast in a home broken by adultery.  Children are products of the environment their parents create for them (Eph 6:1-4).  If a marriage is hurting, so are the children that are supposed to be protected by that marriage.  A family can survive after adultery, but the damage is deep, and the healing takes time.

I have been going to church for about twenty years.  I have been around several churches and have noticed something about my current church of about three years.  I noticed the pastor is very transparent.  The church size is around 150 total and has never went over that size in the last twenty-five years.  When I first went there, a lot of growth was taking place after they brought on a new staff member.  The church grew from 85 to 200 in about 4 months, but I noticed the pastor kept doing things that offended people.  He would call people out in the middle of service, discipline them, make fun of something that had happened to them, etc.  The church has had over 325 visitors in the last three years, and only two families remain from those who visited.  Here's my question: why does it seem my pastor has a self-destructive spirit?  It's almost as if he does not want to succeed or is afraid to grow.  He is very grounded biblically (although says a lot of things personally that offend people) and is very evangelistic.  I don't know how to encourage him.  He justifies everyone leaving because he is speaking "solid biblical" truth, and they don't like it.  He does speak truth, but at the same time, will point people out and make fun of them.  It is as if you can see a switch click when there are visitors.  He will be going along preaching, then stop, and then looking right at the visitors, make an "off-the-wall” comment.  They don't come back.  We don't have a deacon, elder, or leadership group that can help walk with the pastor… any suggestions?

Sincerely,
Put Off By The Pastor

Dear Put Off By The Pastor,

One man leading a church without any checks or balances can create lots of problems… and that is exactly why God didn’t design the church to be run by a head pastor.  God intended for the church to be lead by a multiplicity of elders (Acts 14:23) – never by one person.  The qualifications for elders can be found in 1 Tim 3:1-7 and Tit 1:5-9.  Many, many churches are suffering from the exact same problems as your congregation because they don’t use the Bible’s pattern for church leadership.

No single individual should be left alone to guide the Lord’s church.  Even an honest person would be bound to make major mistakes without other faithful leaders to rely upon.  It is only in a multiplicity of faithful elders that we can have safety (Pr 24:6).  When churches aren’t arranged according to the Bible pattern, things don’t work.