I have a wonderful boyfriend who is perfect in every way except that he is a strongly believing atheist, but he never imposes his beliefs on me.  I wanted to know if I married him, would it be a sin, what would happen to my soul, and would it be something that would prevent me from going to heaven?  I am confused when I turn to the Bible for answers because 1 Corinthians 7:12-16 and 2 Corinthians 6:14-18 are contradictory.

P.S. I actually just broke up with him a few days ago because I didn't want to be in a relationship that God didn't approve of.  I still love him but am holding off on my permanent decision of whether to be with him or not until I get this question answered.  Thank you so much.  God Bless.

Sincerely,
Not An Atheist

Dear Not An Atheist,

It is wrong to marry someone who isn’t a christian.  1 Cor 7:12-16 deals with what to do if you are already married to an unbeliever (for example if you became a christian after already being married), and 2 Cor 6:14-18 explains what to do to avoid getting into an unhealthy marital situation.  Paul clearly states that christians should seek to marry only those who are also “in the Lord” (1 Cor 7:39).  Right now, your boyfriend doesn’t impose his beliefs on you because he is still courting your affections; once you are married, that will change – it always does.  People are always on their best behavior during the "wooing" stage of a romance.  When you marry a man, you are deciding that you trust him to be the head of your household (Eph 5:23).  You simply cannot trust a man that doesn’t believe in God to properly guide the direction of your family.  Marriage is a permanent decision; you can’t trust this man to abide by the same rules of marriage as you will.  Religion is the most important factor in a marriage because it affects your morals, how you raise children, your finances, your hobbies, how you treat one another, and a thousand other elements of your future.  Do not become unequally yoked to this man.

Something I struggle with is trying to understand why the gate is so narrow (Matthew 7:14).  God could have created us any way He chose to, but He created us in such a way that most of us are not interested in taking the appropriate steps to become a christian.  Living life as a christian is hard, and we are so tempted to do the wrong thing at every turn.

Why would God create us in this way?  If He is so loving, why did He create us this way KNOWING that most of us are going to fail?

Sincerely,
Uphill Battle

Dear Uphill Battle,

The road is narrow, but it is also accessible to anyone (Jhn 3:16).  The road to salvation is designed so that salvation can only be found in Christ (Jhn 14:6).  God created mankind with the freedom to choose.  We can choose to live for ourselves (which is a wide road with a zillion different paths based upon our interests, desires, etc.), or we can choose to live for God (Rom 12:1).  The road to salvation is narrow because it is based off of one question: “Do we trust God?” (Heb 11:6).  Anyone can trust God, but very few people are interested in doing so.  It isn’t because He created us poorly; it is because He created us with the ability to choose.  Whenever you give people freedom, expect most of us to abuse it.  If God had made us without freedom, everyone would go to heaven… but no one would have chosen to go there.  So God, in His infinite wisdom, believed it better to create mankind with choice and have most people choose poorly than to create humans as mindless robots devoid of freewill.

I am a Christian.  There is no doubt in my mind about that.  I have done all kinds of reading, talking, praying, and research on homosexuality.  I get very mixed reviews.  Basically, do you think God knows your heart in the aspect of being in a committed long-term relationship and how you truly feel?  It's not about lust, sex, etc... it's about real feelings.

Sincerely,
Looking For Answers

Dear Looking For Answers,

People may give mixed reviews on homosexuality, but the Bible is very clear – a homosexual lifestyle is a sinful lifestyle.  Rom 1:27 makes it clear that homosexuality is one of the deepest forms of depravity in this life.  Jude 1:7 makes it clear that God destroyed the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah because the people “went after strange flesh”, i.e. homosexual behavior.  From the beginning, God designed romantic and physical relationships to be between one man and one woman – for life (Matt 19:4-6).  Any other type of relationship is wrong.  A committed, long-term, homosexual relationship is simply a long-term and committed sinful relationship.

(This is a follow-up question to “Women Preachers”, “Women Preachers (Part 2)”, and “Women Preachers (Part 3)”)

Thank you very much for indulging me in our debate about women and women's roles.  I have read in earnest your replies and appreciate your forthrightness (is that a word? LOL).  The root of the reason that I ask these questions stems from my struggle with God's Word and who I am.  God made me, right?  Then why did He make me so stubborn and pig-headed? (Partly a joke, but not all the way.)  Because of the life I have lived and all the stuff I have been through, the only thing that kept me alive and sane was to be as hard as nails.  I am tired of being the "tough guy" on one hand, but on the other, I am strong because of it.  Society gives women conflicting signals: be "your own woman" BUT "find a good man".  Why can't I do both?  How now am I supposed to throw away who I am to live a life that makes me feel like I am in too-tight, itchy, wool clothing (i.e. be someone I am not)?  Am I simply being pig-headed again when I feel that in order to be what I am "supposed" to be, I will actually become a pretender?  I do not know how to be anyone other than who I am, who God made me to be.  How am I to live an honest life if I always go around trying to be something I am not?

Sincerely,
The Not-So-Feminist

Dear The Not-So-Feminist,

Who said anything about women not being allowed to be tough?!  Some of the most godly, brilliant, and faithful women are tough as nails and as resilient as sand under the tide.  Esther had the courage and bravery to stand up to the king and save the entire nation of Israel (Esther 4:16)!  It was women like Mary, Joanna, and Susanna who provided for Christ while He preached the gospel – it was their courage to stand by Him that made a difference in so many lives (Lk 8:1-3).  Abigail put her life in her hands and stood up against a wicked husband and prevented the deaths of an entire settlement of people (read the story in 1 Samuel 25); not to mention, she rebuked David in such a clever way that he adored her for her forthrightness (yes, it is a word).  Rahab risked her life to protect two of God’s servants and left a life of harlotry to become a faithful Jew (Heb 11:31).  There isn’t enough room to tell of the perseverance and knowledge of Priscilla, the devotion of Lydia, the strength of Hannah, or the wisdom of Deborah.  Suffice it to say, the Bible is simply brimming with stories of women who’ve been beaten down and assailed on every side, but they kept getting back up again.  Women and men may have different roles, but women have played a vital and truly epic part in the delivery of God’s Word to mankind.

Will your past affect the way you are as a christian today?  Definitely.  Will you have to change some things in your life to serve God?  Of course.  Will the essence of your personality be lost?  Absolutely not. God doesn’t want you to stop being tough – He wants to channel that into the right arenas.  Like you said, society sends women conflicting signals.  The Bible is designed to remove that conflict and give you real answers to what being a woman looks like… courageous, faithful, and utterly unflappable.  Being a woman isn’t the same as being a doormat.

It has been a long time since I last e-mailed you.  I would like to know from whomever answers this question how long they've been serving God.

My question is:  My christian friend and her father (in particular) say that I shouldn't listen to Turkish/Arabic or any music from around the world.  Now, in my defense, I do hope that it isn't the words of the devil but of the counsel of God.  My defense is that God made music, and like art, it makes you feel good.  I understand I should want to hear only music to exalt God, but I have gotten translations to these tracks, and they just talk about life and how they went through life trials.  Why can't I enjoy some classical or salsa music just because nobody is singing "hallelujah God"?  Their defense was that everything you do should work up to God; if you’re a christian and you are pleasing yourself before God, it is wrong.  Long story short, why can't I appreciate the gift God gave to a man to play the violin or a computer to make tracks or art that doesn't particularly talk about God, like Monet or Rembrandt paintings?  I also understand to back away from things (in particular things God has told you not to do) that will hinder your path to God.  So I don't listen to specific music, art, movies, books that may arouse me negatively or state inappropriate lyrics.  But classical?  Jazz?  I still listen to christian rock and gospel 70% of the time, though.

Sincerely,
Art Lover

Dear Art Lover,

  There is nothing wrong with listening to music of any type as long as it:

1. not teaching or professing evil ideas (such as drunkenness, promiscuity, immorality, violence, etc.)
2. not full of foul or crass language (Eph 4:29).

Bad company corrupts good morals (1 Cor 15:33), and bad music is a form of bad company.

Having said that - any other type of music is perfectly permissible.  Jesus even uses music as an example of general happiness in the parable of the prodigal son (Lk15:25).  In fact, you might find it interesting to read some of our articles on religious music; it might give you a point of view you've never heard before.  Here are links to a couple of those posts:

“Should The Hip Hop Stop?”

“Ain’t Nothing But A Hound Dog”