Hello, I just really need some major advice if you could, please.  My family (mom, dad, sister, brother and I) is always fighting.  It's beginning to take a huge toll on all of us, and it's becoming all we do.  I don't want us to be that way, but I don't know what to do to stop it.  I pray that everyone will start being happier with everyone, that everyone will stop fighting and just get along and enjoy our time together.  My parents fight a lot, and I'm just worried that it's going to tear this family apart.  Do you know anything I can do or say to stop this?

I feel like I'm about to have a mental breakdown.  I really do.  Everything is just getting to me, and I have no friends at all (I know God and Jesus Christ love me, but I mean, like, people around me).  Everyone just thinks of me as a loser or something.  I want to be needed and to be someone's best friend.  I know this all probably sounds crazy or just a rant, but I just needed to talk to someone that would personally read and answer me.  I'm trying to make friends.  I'm just afraid that I'm supposed to be alone and friendless all my life.  Please help any way possible; a prayer for my family and I would be greatly appreciated!  Thank you for taking the time to read this, and again, I'm sorry.  God bless.

Sincerely,
Hurting

Dear Hurting,

First of all, you are in our prayers.  Fighting within a family is so painful for a child; at least one of our AYP writers knows that first hand.  Perhaps the most painful part is the feeling of helplessness that the children are left with.  There isn’t anything you can say to fix it, and that is what hurts.  We wish we could tell you that there is an easy solution, and if you step in and get involved, it will change everything, but that isn’t true.  Sometimes, getting involved can make things worse.  Pr 26:17 says that getting in the middle of someone else’s disagreement is like grabbing a dog’s ears.  You’ll get bitten every time.  Just because you feel you have the solution and see the situation clearer than your parents doesn’t mean that they would be receptive to hearing it.  The most likely scenario is that you would add fuel to an already burning fire.

Another thing to consider is that your advice isn’t likely to be accepted by either parent because you are their child.  Jesus said that a prophet has respect except amongst his own family and in his own house (Mk 6:4).  Time has not made you equals with your parents, and you aren’t in a position to help them – it just isn’t the way life works.  This doesn’t mean you are wrong or that you are seeing things incorrectly – it just means they won’t listen because you are the child, and they are the parents.  Whether or not you are correct is irrelevant.

But all of this doesn’t mean there isn’t anything you can do.  Jesus’ preaching didn’t affect His family, but His lifestyle did.  Multiple times in the Bible it says that Mary saw Jesus’ behavior and “treasured these things in her heart” (Lk 2:19, Lk 2:51).  Jesus’ example made a lasting impact upon His family.  When you see your parents fighting, calmly walk away.  If they ask why – tell them it hurts you.  When you have a chance to show respect to your father and love to your mother, do it.  As parents, we can tell you that mothers and fathers notice these acts of selflessness and maturity in our children more than they ever know.  Many parents have become better people because of the example of their children.  You can’t preach to them, but you can live a sermon every day.  And most of all, remember that regardless of what your parent’s marriage looks like, it isn’t your fault, and it isn’t your burden.  You are only responsible for you, and someday, if you get married, you can apply the lessons you are learning now to change your family tree, so your children don’t need to feel the way you are feeling now.

[This question is in response to “Feminine Ways”]

How do you view Deborah in the Bible?  How do you explain why God mentions her at all?  She judged both men and women in Israel.  I'm not convinced that God will be boxed in to whom He can use at any given time.  God Bless.

Sincerely,
Thinking Outside the Box

Dear Thinking Outside the Box,

The only rules God is “boxed in” by are His own.  The Bible is full of women that taught and shared God’s wisdom… Deborah is just one example of them.  Miriam, Moses and Aaron’s sister, was a prophetess (Ex 15:20), and so were Philip’s four daughters (Acts 21:8-9).  The problem is not with women teaching; it is the venue in which they do it.

We didn’t make 1 Cor 14:34 and 1 Tim 2:12 – those are God’s laws, not ours.  We also didn’t make the qualifications that an elder be a man – the Lord authored Tit 1:5-9 and 1 Tim 3:1-7.  The qualifications for an elder restrict women from being pastors, but it also forbids young men, unmarried men, and those without children.  It isn’t a matter of the value of people; it is a matter of what God’s law says.

    Okay, I'm wondering about the Key of Solomon.  I know it can be used for evil, but is it possible that it can be good?  As in, is it okay in God’s favor in the accounts you use it for, trapping a demon during exorcism?  Please, I must know!

Sincerely,
Keyed Up

Dear Keyed Up,

The Key of Solomon is a book of magic written in the 14^th or 15^th century – it has nothing to do with Solomon, and it is completely against the Bible.  In Acts 19:19, Christians burned their books of magic once they were converted, a pretty clear indicator of how God feels about such things.

On a secondary note, demon possession no longer exists, and exorcism doesn’t either.  Read “My Own Personal Demons” for a detailed explanation of how demon possession ceased.

Hello.  I thank you for offering information to me in the past.  I am wondering if you have a church denomination?  If so, what would it be?

Sincerely,
Who Are You?

Dear Who Are You,

Our congregation here in Monroe goes by the name ‘Monroe Valley church of Christ’ because ‘church of Christ’ is a Biblical name for a congregation (Rom 16:16), but we aren't a denomination – just a group of Christians who have gathered together to be God's people in Monroe.  We worship by singing (Col 3:16), studying the Bible (1 Tim 4:13), praying (2 Thess 3:1), taking communion (only on Sundays – Acts 20:7), and taking up a collection (also only on Sundays – 1 Cor 16:1-2).  We teach that you must hear God’s Word (Rom 10:17), believe God’s Word (Jhn 3:16), repent of your sins (Mk 6:12), confess Jesus as your Savior (Lk 12:8), and be baptized to be saved (Acts 2:38, 1 Pet 3:21).  We do all these things because they are practices found in the Bible.

There are other congregations like ours scattered across the country and the world.  Most of them use the name ‘church of Christ’, but then again, many churches that use that name aren’t faithful.  A Bible name for a church isn’t enough to make it faithful.  We have helped others, like yourself, looking for New Testament Christianity find faithful congregations in their area by contacting other preachers and christians that we know.  We’d be happy to do the same for you.  If you feel comfortable, just let us know what general area you live in, and we will try and get you in touch with a congregation that lives like your Bible reads (our e-mail is askyourpreacher@mvchurchofchrist.org).

How can I live a more stress-free life, so I can move on in my life?

Sincerely,
Bundle Of Nerves

Dear Bundle Of Nerves,

A stress-free life is impossible, but a Christian has tools to deal with the ups and downs of life that change everything.  We are told that we can pray for a quiet and tranquil life (1 Tim 2:1-2).  Matt 6:33-34 says that if we seek the Lord, He will take care of us and care for our needs.  Ps 55:22 also teaches that we can cast our burdens upon God, and He will sustain us.  And lastly, Rom 8:28 gives us the confidence that God will cause all things to work together for good for those who love Him.  Christianity doesn’t mean a stress-free life, but it means a life where we can have peace through the trials (Php 4:7).