Why should I wait for sex?

Sincerely,
Just Askin’

Dear Just Askin’,

There are two ways to answer your question.  One way to answer your question would be to list the thousands of statistics that describe how much healthier of a lifestyle monogamy is.  We could explain the risks of promiscuity and the increased failure rate of relationships that pursue intimacy before marriage.  There are studies far and wide that prove the healthiest, happiest, and most well-adjusted relationships are monogamous relationships that wait until marriage… but that isn’t the way we are going to answer your question because as compelling as secular studies are, they aren’t nearly as compelling as the Bible.

The other way to answer your question is to tell you that God says sex outside of marriage is a sin and that we should flee all fornication (1 Cor 6:18).  God designed that level of intimacy for marriage only (Eph 5:31).  Our Creator knows what is best for us, and His Bible says sex outside of marriage is a sin.  That is why you should wait.

Our daughter, who is seventeen and living at home, has a boyfriend who is nineteen.  He wants to move out on his own and experience something new.  What would be your advice/approach when dealing with them spending time together alone at his new place, going over to visit, watch movies, etc.  Although they have given us no reason to not trust them, I am having problems giving permission to this "alone” time.

Sincerely,
Concerned Parent

Dear Concerned Parent,

Different parents will give different advice in these circumstances, but you aren’t crazy for having concerns.  The important thing is to be able to explain things to your daughter and her boyfriend in biblical terms.  Whatever your decision is, if you can give Scripture for your feelings, it will take the trust issues out of the picture.  As you said, it isn’t about these two trustworthy young people; it is about the natural temptations and passions of youth.  So here are some verses that can be used in your discussions:

1. God says that it is natural and normal for young people to be attracted to one another (1 Cor 7:9).  This is a natural part of the romance process, but it is also important for them to not put themselves in a position where this attraction can lead to regrettable decisions in the heat of the moment.
2. The Song of Solomon is a poetic book of the Bible devoted to romantic love.  The chorus of that song says, “don’t awaken or stir up love until he pleases” (Songs 3:5).  God’s warning to those in the courtship process is to not force things and not to go too fast.  The goal is to slow down and get to know the person… the risk of spending copious amounts of time alone is that the relationship begins to speed up in all the wrong ways.
3. A reputation is a difficult thing to build but an easy thing to destroy.  Your daughter and her boyfriend currently have good reputations, which are more valuable than riches (Pr 22:1).  Part of your job as parents is to help protect their good name.  When a young woman spends a lot of time at a single man’s apartment… it looks a certain way.  This is worth explaining to them.

You will need to decide what conversation to have with your daughter and her boyfriend when and if he gets an apartment, but those are some Bible verses to help provide context to the ground rules you will set.

Jer 8:17, Isa 11:8, Isa 59:5, and Isa 14:29 mention cockatrices (which are half bird and half snake fictional creatures), dragons in Isa 13:22, satyrs (which are found mostly in Greek myths and are half human and half goats) in Isa 13:21 and Isa 34:14, and unicorns throughout the Bible (like in Num 23:22).  They're in the KJV Bible, but still, is the Bible saying these creatures exist or will exist for real and we should believe in them?

Sincerely,
Zoologist

Dear Zoologist,

The issue you are dealing with is a translation issue.  One of the reasons we prefer the New King James Version to the original King James is that some of the archaic language has been updated, and this includes animal classifications.  When the King James Version was written in 1611, they had less information regarding what specific animals were being referred to in the Hebrew Old Testament.  Animal names can be some of the toughest to track down in translation, especially if there isn’t any context to help pinpoint the animal.  Today, scholars believe that they have narrowed the animals in those verses down.  The word ‘cockatrice’ in the KJV is typically translated ‘snake’ or ‘adder’.  The word ‘satyr’ in the KJV is typically translated ‘wild-goat’, and ‘unicorn’ is typically translated ‘wild-ox’.  Regardless of the specific breed or species, the Bible isn’t referring to mythological beasts in these passages; it is mentioning real animals that the people of that time would have been familiar with.

I just wanted to follow up on your reply to "Plural Pastors".  The verses you cited for having no single pastor as leader, but a plurality of elders in a local congregation, are a bit unclear to me.  In Titus 1:5, the verse states "and appoint elders in every city as I commanded you"; that doesn't necessarily mean more than one elder for every congregation.  It would be like saying "the governor appointed mayors in every city".  This phrase doesn't mean more than one mayor was appointed in every city.  Could you clarify?

Sincerely,
Baptist Believer

Dear Baptist Believer,

We are happy to clarify!  Tit 1:5 might leave the issue vague if that were the only verse on the topic, but we also have plenty of other places to see that every congregation had a plurality of elders.  Acts 14:23 says that they appointed elders in every church.  Acts 15:2-6 points out that the church in Jerusalem had multiple elders.  In Acts 20:17, Paul called for the elders of the church that met in Ephesus.  Jas 5:14 recommends that the sick call for the elders of the church to pray for them.  Also, Peter exhorts the elders of each congregation to tend the flock amongst them (1 Pet 5:1-3).  There is not a single example of a lone elder in the New Testament.  Every congregation was led by a multiplicity of pastors.

What happens to a child that dies shortly after birth?  And what comforting words can I tell a mother and father whose child died after being born?

Sincerely,
Empathetic Friend

Dear Empathetic Friend,

There are no words that can remove the pain that a parent feels when they lose a child – their grieving hearts know a pain that is all their own (Pr 14:10).  There is a grieving process that they must go through (read “Great Grief” for details on what the Bible says on grieving).

However, you can know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the baby is in Paradise with God.  King David settled that question when his son died.  David was in great distress and sorrow because his child was sick and dying (2 Sam 12:16-17).  Yet, when the baby died, David stopped his distress and fasting (2 Sam 12:19-20).  When David’s astonished servants asked him why he was better considering the child just passed away, David simply said, “I shall go to him, but he will not return to me.” (2 Sam 12:22-23)  David was keenly aware that all children go to heaven.  You can confidently tell any grieving parent that their baby is in the arms of a loving Father.