What does the Bible (and where) say about two people living together prior to marriage?

Sincerely,
Spare Key

Dear Spare Key,

Moving in together would be a sin as well as a temptation toward further sin. No matter how pure our intentions might be, two people of the opposite sex living together looks bad. Even if you weren’t actually sleeping together, nobody would believe you. God tells us to abstain from every form of evil (1 Thess 5:22). The word ‘form’ in that verse literally means “shape or appearance”. Christians need to not only avoid sin – but avoid looking like they are sinning. A boyfriend and girlfriend living together (no matter how chaste) looks like a sinful relationship. The Bible also tells us to do the things which are ‘honorable in the sight of all men’ (Rom 12:17, 2 Cor 8:21). Consider what living together before marriage does to the honor of your girlfriend/boyfriend. God wants you to do what is in their best interest and uphold their reputation and honor.

Secondarily, the temptation to sleep together will certainly grow with living together. There is nothing abnormal about a man and a woman being strongly attracted to each other. God recognizes that young people naturally are inclined to burn with passion for the opposite sex (1 Cor 7:9). The key is to make sure you don’t put yourselves in a position that could compromise your integrity. We are to ‘flee fornication’ (1 Cor 6:18) and be wise as serpents in regard to righteousness (Matt 10:16). Don’t set yourselves up to sin.

The idea of living together before marriage is a modern one – not a Biblical one. Biblically speaking, if you aren’t ready to get married, you aren’t ready to live together. The deepest act of love you could show to your girlfriend/boyfriend would be to wait until you are ready for marriage.

Why do we need to go to church?

Sincerely,
Sunday Sleeper

Dear Sunday Sleeper,

The Bible teaches that we shouldn’t forsake the assembly (Heb 10:24-25).  God designed the church so that each individual would be strengthened by the power of the whole (Eph 4:16).  God never wanted christians to try and serve Him without the support of a local church; that is why He commanded the church to assemble.  It is impossible to do God’s work without being a part of a local church.  If you would like help finding a faithful congregation in your area, e-mail us at askyourpreacher@mvchurchofchrist.org.

I just read the Marriage Clif Notes.  Is it okay for the wife to be the boss (because in my house, my wife is the boss)?  I guess it is the new thing today.

Sincerely,
Second-In-Command

Dear Second-In-Command,

Husbands are to be the spiritual leaders of their homes (Eph 5:23); the fact that it is popular and normal for men to shirk that responsibility and allow their wives to fill the leadership void doesn’t make it right.  A man that will not provide for his family is worse than an unbeliever (1 Tim 5:8), and many a woman has torn her house down with her own hands because she doesn’t let her husband lead (Pr 14:1).  A nagging, bossy wife (Pr 11:22) and a lazy, apathetic husband (Pr 12:24) are a recipe for a disastrous marriage.  God designed husbands to lovingly lead their families and wives to respectfully support their husbands.

What does the Bible say about marriage?

Sincerely,
I Do

Dear I Do,

The Bible says quite a bit about marriage… more than we can cover in a single AYP post.  We can try and hit the highlights though.

1. Marriage is between a man and a woman (Gen 2:24, Matt 19:5).  Homosexual relationships are not, and cannot be, marriages.
2. Marriage is intended for a lifetime – God hates divorce (Mal 2:16).
3. The husband is supposed to lead his family and love his wife as Christ loves the church (Eph 5:23).
4. The wife is supposed to respect her husband (Eph 5:33).

As we said, those are the quick highlights.  If you have more specific questions, please feel free to write back in.

If we are rewarded in heaven for our life on Earth, meaning that others will have more in heaven than others, will there be jealousy?  I feel like I would be jealous of others that were rewarded more than I in heaven.  I feel silly saying that because I would be thankful just to be in heaven at all, but I would feel like God loved others more than me.  Is it okay to feel like I would be jealous?

Sincerely,
Going Green

Dear Going Green,

It is true that the Bible talks about storing treasures up for yourself in heaven (Matt 6:19-21), but that doesn’t provide us with many details as to how those treasures work – the mechanics are a total mystery.  One analogy that seems to help people is to think of it like two people gathering water from a well; no matter the size of the container, the container will be full.  Storing up treasures in heaven has been described as “getting a bigger bucket”.  As we said though, this is simply speculation, and we wouldn’t be too dogmatic on the issue.

As for your concern of jealousy in heaven, we don’t know the mechanics of how heaven will work, but we do know that there will be no sin there (1 Cor 15:54-57).  Covetousness is a sin (Jas 4:2).  In this life, we struggle to rejoice in the joys of our fellow Christians (Rom 12:15); sometimes it stings when we see others with more than us, but the time will come when we will shuck this mortal coil, and those fleshly temptations to covet will no longer plague us.