My wife of thirty-five years has been battling cancer since 1998.  In 2007, she was told that she was terminal.  She has recently lost over 120 pounds, has no desire to eat, then loses what she does eat.  Doctors have tried everything; two doctors have recommended that she smoke marijuana.  Besides it being illegal in Florida, spiritually, she feels uncomfortable.  We have searched through the Scriptures with no avail. Please help.

Sincerely,
Struggling Spouse

Dear Struggling Spouse,

We are so very sorry for your suffering; we here at AYP cannot imagine how difficult this trial is for you and your wife.  We will do our very best to give you the Bible answer to such a sensitive question.  There are two things to consider:

1. The Bible says that we should obey the laws of the land (Rom 13:1-4).  If something is illegal – it is illegal.  The Lord would have us abide by the laws of the government, even when those laws are difficult to follow.
2. There is nothing inherently wrong with trying to reduce your wife’s discomfort.  Pr 31:6 specifically said that it is appropriate for a dying person to receive ease from their pain.  You can feel completely comfortable giving legal painkillers to your wife as she endures these difficult final stages of suffering.

We know that these two principles do not necessarily make your choices easier, but hopefully, that clarifies the doctrinal struggle you have been having.

I saw my husband looking at naked pictures online.  Is that wrong?  I did get mad.  I believe this is as bad as porn.

Sincerely,
Jealous Wife

Dear Jealous Wife,

Yes, it is wrong!  ‘Pornography’ is defined as ‘printed or visual material containing the explicit description or display of sexual organs or activity’.  What your husband was doing was sinful (Matt 5:28), and you have every right to be mad.  Marriage is intended by God to be between one man and one woman (Gen 2:24), and pornography plants the seeds of adultery within the heart of a spouse.

I committed adultery and divorced twenty years ago.  I was married to an alcoholic; I know that is no excuse for what I did, but I was in a fifteen-year marriage with a man that would not get help for mental abuse and alcohol abuse.  I had three children he was beginning to treat like me.  I am not laying the blame all on him; I have forgiven him for what he did, and I asked for his forgiveness for anything I did to him.  I have been married for nineteen years to a wonderful man; I have asked God to forgive me, but the guilt is killing me… am I not forgiven?

Sincerely,
A Wife

Dear A Wife,

Your question is an important one and is one that many christians wrestle with because of the high divorce rate in American society.  As you stated, adultery is wrong, and every divorce is caused because of sin.  God hates divorce (Mal 2:16), and His desire has always been for men and women to remain married for a lifetime (Matt 19:4-6).

As of late, we have received a numerous amount of questions regarding this issue and normally try and answer these questions privately due to the sensitive nature of this topic.  However, as this particular question was asked anonymously, we have no choice but to publicly answer it to provide the Bible answer to you.  Our hope is that this post will serve as a final AYP post on the topic of marriage, divorce, and remarriage (MDR) for quite some time.

There are many views on MDR, and everyone must be careful to not stand too dogmatically upon any position because good brethren have disagreed over this issue for years.  Within our own congregation, we have had multiple viewpoints on how to appropriately address this doctrinal issue.  In areas of truth, we must stand firm; in matters of opinion, we should bend with the wind, and in all things we should show love.

Because of the complexities of this issue and because every circumstance is unique, we are recommending that people with questions on this subject listen to the sermon series “Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage”, compare the sermons to Scripture, and then faithfully examine themselves to see whether they are living as God intended (Php 2:12).

I have a friend, and her mother is for marriage immediately.  Meaning, if her daughters are having "relations" with a man, then they are required to marry him in her eyes... she believes that by marrying the man they sleep with, they might as well get married; it will look better in God's eyes.  For example, her daughter returned home from a year in rehab, and after a month home, her daughter met a man and started a relationship.  Her daughter then started staying out late with him, and within two months they were living together, and her mother told them to marry to make it right in God's eyes.  Four months later, they are now married.  I was taught that marriage is sacred and to only marry when you love the person and understand the commitment and are ready to take that step and be faithful for the rest of your life.  What does the Bible say about "when" to get married?  Is their mother wrong?  If so, how is she wrong?

Sincerely,
Timing Is Everything

Dear Timing Is Everything,

Their mother’s view is a lot better than just living in a sinful relationship.  People in romantic relationships have two options – marry or keep your hands off each other.  Marriage is a lifetime commitment (Rom 7:2).  God says that if two people are burning with passion for each other, it is better to marry than to sin (1 Cor 7:9).  Self-control is a highly prized virtue in God’s eyes (2 Pet 1:6), but if you are unable to show self-control, then it is better to get married.  No matter what, living together before marriage is fornication – it is a sin (1 Cor 6:18).  The only place for sex is within marriage (1 Cor 7:2).

I've been listening to the series of lessons Lowell has been preaching on Marriage, Divorce and Remarriage.  As if things weren't already confusing enough, when I was checking Lowell's interpretation of Matthew 19:9, I noticed my New American Standard Bible simply says, "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery."  It includes a footnote saying, "Some early manuscripts add 'and he who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.'"  I'm somewhat familiar with textual criticism, but usually I don't worry too much about it because the debated passages don't have major doctrinal implications.  This case seems a bit more significant to me.  How can I know which version is what was actually in the original Greek manuscript?

Sincerely,
It’s Greek To Me

Dear It’s Greek To Me,

There are two major texts that are used in Bible translations, the Nestle-Aland & United Bible Society Text (often referred to as the ‘NU’ text) and the Majority text (referred to as the ‘M’ text).  In Matt 19:9, the NU text doesn’t include the phrase “and he who marries a divorced woman commits adultery”, but the M text does.  However, this doesn’t create any sort of doctrinal problem because in Matt 5:32, the NU text does include that phrase.  Therefore, even if the phrase isn’t included in Matt 19:9, it is in Matt 5:32.  No matter which version is the more accurate (and yes, that is a greatly debated topic), both include that phrase somewhere within the text.