Well, the last couple of days have really been tough...my girlfriend and I thought we conceived a baby (we are not married, and I know that is a sin), but I asked for forgiveness... but then it all fell apart.  I loved her and trusted her... she ended up telling me there was a possibility that the baby might not be mine; she left me because it was hard to be with me after she told me, and I admit it was hard, but I was willing to forgive and let go, but she left, and now she has told me that the doctors told her she probably lost the child.  I don’t know if the kid was mine, but I feel like it was.  I had dreams about it and saw myself with a lil’ boy I had never seen before.  I was so happy to find out I was going to be a daddy and was going to raise him right by God.  I’m not sure if it’s mine or if she miscarried.  I just want advice on why things like this happen.  I tried my hardest to make it work, and I wanted to be happy, but it all fell apart.  I’m twenty years old, and this is one of the hardest, if not the hardest, things I’ve ever dealt with.  I lost the love of my life and my possible child, plus she had a daughter, and she would call me “Dad”, so it’s like I lost two children.  Please, I need the Lord’s Word to get through this, so please help!

Sincerely,
Floundering

Dear Floundering,

You are experiencing the pain of sin in a very real and personal way.  God does offer forgiveness if we place our faith in Him (read “What Must I Do To Be Saved” for more details), but that forgiveness doesn’t remove the consequences of sin.  David sinned when he committed adultery with Bathsheba (2 Sam 11:2-4); God forgave David of the sin when David repented (2 Sam 12:13), but David’s child still died as a consequence of that sin (2 Sam 12:14).  Sin has both spiritual and physical consequences.  The spiritual consequence of sin is eternal death unless we are forgiven in Christ (Rom 6:23).  The physical consequences of sin still remain after forgiveness.  God says that we reap what we sow (Gal 6:7).  When we behave immorally toward a woman, lose our temper, mistreat others, are bad examples for our children, etc. – there are consequences to those choices.  God wants you to have a happy and healthy life here on this planet.  The only way to do that is to trust His Word that teaches us everything about life (2 Pet 1:3).  We are so sorry that your road has been so difficult as of late; hopefully, this will become an opportunity for you to start with a new commitment to live as God intends.  If you would like help finding a faithful congregation in your area (not all churches are equal) to help you on that journey, we would be happy assist you in locating one.  Simply e-mail us at askyourpreacher@mvchurchofchrist.org.

I met a lady who is a Christian (as I am).  We have been both been married four times each and have determined that marriage is not the answer for us.  I love her heart and soul; we share Scripture together, etc. The problem is sex; she feels that it’s completely wrong outside of marriage.  Is there any hope for us?  We are both forty-six.

Sincerely,
0 for 4

Dear 0 for 4,

There isn’t any hope for you unless you start listening to her because she is right, and you are wrong.  It is always sinful for people to lay with one another outside of marriage (1 Cor 7:1-4).  Sex outside of marriage is called ‘fornication’ – it is sinful and will bring you into judgment (Heb 13:4).  Hell will be full of those who don’t honor God’s commands regarding chastity (Rev 21:8).  You must obey God’s commandments as well as this woman’s desire to be righteous.  Make sure that you avoid sin and cease putting stumbling blocks in front of this woman (Matt 18:7).

I was in and out of a relationship for about five years.  Things were pretty good with her, but there was one period that we were apart for a whole year during the five-year period.  I felt that this girl was the love of my life, and we got back together.  During the year apart, however, I sinned with another woman...then I lied about it when I got back with the original girl.  Finally, I told her the truth after being with her for about a year more, and she broke things off.  It has been about six months since we broke up, and I still feel like I love her and that she is the love of my life.  I am feeling discouraged and a bit hopeless in finding another woman that I will feel the same way about since I live in a somewhat remote area from other young people.  It is even affecting my faith as it is on my mind quite often.  I know I sinned greatly and have repented of those sins, but is this feeling a scar for my sins?  Should I try to win her back again?  How can I get rid of this feeling and be more optimistic towards love?

Sincerely,
Love Lost

Dear Love Lost,

The pain you are feeling is a consequence of sin.  We reap what we sow (Gal 6:7), and you have the battle scars to prove the cost of poor choices.  The most important thing is that you seek and get forgiveness from God for your sins (1 Jn 1:9)… regardless of whether your ex-girlfriend ever forgives you.  We recommend you read “What Must I Do To Be Saved?” to see what the Bible teaches on the subject of salvation and forgiveness of sins.  Making your life right with God is the most important step in repenting of sin.

It is always difficult when a romantic relationship ends (especially near Valentine’s Day – also known as Singles Awareness Day), but God promises that if you serve Him, all things will work together for good in your life (Rom 8:28).  God tells us to not rush love and romantic relationships (Songs 8:4).  If you work on becoming the kind of person you ought to be, the Lord will bless you.  Make a decision to become a person prepared to serve God in whatever capacity He sees fit (2 Tim 2:21).  When you allow Christ to live in you, life turns out right (Gal 2:20).

Hi.  Is it possible for a couple with different religions to have a sound relationship?  And is this against God?  I really love my boyfriend, but he doesn't really have a strong faith in God, if he even believes in God.  Part of me feels like I should leave him, but the other part wants to stay.  What do I do?  Hope this doesn't sound too ridiculous.

Sincerely,
Confused In Love

Dear Confused In Love,

Our religious views dictate how we live our lives.  One’s belief in God (or lack of belief) effects their ethics, how they manage finances, how they raise children, how they treat their spouse, how much effort they will put into marriage (and when they will feel justified in getting a divorce), and a plethora of other aspects in life.  In short, your religious views guide the very essence of who you are.

God designed christians to only marry other people who are “in the Lord” (1 Cor 7:39).  A marriage to an unbeliever leaves you unequally yoked because you won’t be building your marriage off of equal vows (2 Cor 6:14).  You will make your vows before God, and he will merely make his vows before man.  We could never, ever recommend that a christian marry an unbeliever… it would simply set you up for heartache and failure.

Can you please give some Christian advice for single women?  How should we wait for God to bring a man into our life?

Thank you.

Sincerely,
Waiting On God

Dear Waiting On God,

The Bible gives no specific statements about how to look for a future spouse. God instead speaks to the attitudes we must have and the dangers that exist in the world of romance.

1. Don’t force it.  Song of Solomon is an entire book devoted to romance and marriage.  The chorus of that book is the same over and over (Songs 2:7) – it is a warning to avoid forcing relationships merely for the ‘fun’ of romance.
2. Who they are matters more than how they look.  The Bible praises godly spouses for their character (Pr 31:10).  Beauty fades, but one’s values endure.  Make sure you are spending your time getting to know people for who they are and for what they find important.
3. Surround yourself with godly advice.  When we are in the here and now of a romantic relationship, we often get caught up with our emotions and lose perspective.  That makes it especially important to get the advice of those around you who are wiser and less biased.  Parents, grandparents, and other trusted advisors should be sought out as you search for a mate.  Surrounding yourself with many good counselors protects you from making a emotional decision that has lifelong consequences (Pr 11:14).
4. Godly spouses are found by being godly people.  Look at the book of Ruth - Ruth had no reason to hope for a good marriage.  She was a widow, poor, a foreigner, and even had a dependent mother-in-law "holding her back", and yet, she ends up marrying a wonderful godly man who noticed her because she was godly.  Birds of a feather flock together.  If you want a good spouse, be a good person; good potential mates will gravitate toward you.

Marriage is one of the greatest blessings that God gives mankind.  If we do it God’s way, finding a spouse can be a joy and lead to a lifetime of happiness.