I fell in love with my best friend, and we had sex once.  We were dating, and then she said she couldn’t have a sexual relationship with a woman; it’s against her beliefs.  We are the same sex.  Now she’s not talking to me but says she does love me.  I’m praying for God to bring her back in my life as my friend, but if she wants it to be more, that would be her choice.  Will she change her mind and still be my friend?

Sincerely,
Abandoned

Dear Abandoned,

We can’t tell you whether or not she will change her mind and be your friend again, but if we were advising you both, we would advise against a friendship after the trouble it has created for you.

God makes it clear that homosexual relationships are sinful (Rom 1:26-27).  The right thing to do is exactly what your friend did – flee fornication (1 Cor 6:18).  We are sorry you have lost a friend, but better to lose a friendship and start down a better path than to go to hell together (Matt 18:8).

    So, preacher… I have friends who are gay.  And they were my friends before they came out, and then after they came out, they weren’t really different.  Well, except maybe they were more fabulous... and I noticed more glitter.  But glitter is great!

Increasingly, I find myself believing more in the idea that gay is good. It’s okay for men to like men and ladies to like ladies.  And I don't like the position that the church is taking against them.  In fact, all of my gay friends have encouraged me to explore my own sexuality... and I have discovered that I, myself, am a raging homosexual.  After coming out to some people, I am much happier in my life.  It’s actually like Christmas every day.

With my own sexuality being opposed by the church, I find it difficult to subscribe to it.  Really, I can't put faith in a god that would allow something like that.  At this point, I believe more in being fierce, ferocious, and fabulous than His divine law.

Sincerely,
Sassy Sir

Dear Sassy Sir,

It isn’t any surprise that you are becoming increasingly more comfortable with homosexuality since you are spending so much time around people who are living actively homosexual lives.  1 Cor 15:33 says that bad company corrupts good morals.  Our friendships influence us, and this is obviously the case with you.

Here is the problem.  No matter how you feel about the matter, the Bible says what it says.  Rom 1:26-28 makes it clear that when people turn to homosexuality, they are spurning God and committing sin.  Your frustration with the Bible’s position isn’t the Bible’s problem.  The Bible has said the same thing for 2,000 years.  Just because society changes its views, doesn’t mean God will, too.

You are welcome to believe whatever you want.  Just remember, your life will end someday, and for whatever choices you’ve made, you will stand before God and give account… the same God that wrote the Bible will also judge every soul (Heb 12:23).

     My wife and I are growing spiritually at different speeds, and some of the things she chooses to do don't match up to the Bible, and I don't agree with these choices.  How should I address these things without upsetting her and stay true to the Word of God and be the spiritual leader of my wife and kids?

Sincerely,
Hesitant Husband

Dear Hesitant Husband,

No two people ever grow at the same rate… nor do they grow in the same areas.  We all have different strengths and weaknesses, and those differences are especially pronounced between men and women.  You have two principles to balance:

1. God says to deal with your wife in an understanding way because she is different than you, and yet, also an equal heir of eternity (1 Pet 3:7).  You aren’t perfect, and neither is she.  Women tend to be weak in areas that men are strong and vise-versa.  Your job as her husband and brother in Christ is to strengthen her, not crush her.
2. You are the spiritual head of your household and must set the tone and direction for your family (1 Tim 3:12).  It is up to you to define your family’s character and lead the way.  Many families fail and crumble because men are apathetic and lazy in this area.  If your wife is making definite choices that are unwise or harmful to the family’s spiritual health, you have a responsibility to address it.

When we compare these two principles, it becomes clear that a husband should address spiritual concerns within his family, but how he does it makes all the difference.  Col 3:19 says that husbands shouldn’t be harsh with their wives.  That is what you must balance.  Don’t nitpick every choice she makes or speak unkindly/condescendingly – that is what harshness looks like.  Give her the benefit of the doubt and discuss these issues (whatever they might be) with your wife.  After all, you both want the same thing.

     I have been dating my girlfriend for about sixteen months now.  I am at the point in the relationship when I feel that she could help me pay for meals, etc. every now and then.  I don't want to be a cheap guy, but more than anything, I want to feel as if she understands how hard I work for my money, and we are a team.  I truly believe that the male should pay early in the relationship for everything, but after a while, should there be a 4:1 ratio?

Sincerely,
Doing The Math

Dear Doing The Math,

Being a team doesn’t require her to help pay or not help pay.  Let’s start by saying that there isn’t a sin in this issue.  Whether a courting couple splits the bill or not is of no consequence spiritually one way or the other.  However, your question brings up a bigger issue.

In today’s world of “gender equality”, the picture of what a marital (or in your case, pre-marital) team looks like has been lost.  1 Tim 5:8 and Tit 2:4-5 make it clear that a husband’s primary responsibility is to work to provide for the family, and the wife’s primary responsibility is to work at home to nurture and be the heart of the home.  We emphasize primary because the Bible doesn’t condemn women working (Pr 31:16), and there is no doubt that men must also be actively involved in the family (1 Tim 3:12)… however, that doesn’t change the fact that the male and female roles are distinctly different.

Your issue isn’t with the money; it is that you feel underappreciated for your role.  As you said, “I want to feel as if she understands how hard I work…”  This is a great opportunity to discuss with your girlfriend a fundamental Christian concept – what does a biblical relationship look like?  These are exactly the types of conversations that courting is designed for.  Our guess is that by having the conversation, you will find the appreciation you are looking for because you will understand each other better.  After all, wisdom belongs to him who has understanding (Pr 10:13).