Ask Your Preacher

Ask Your Preacher

“A Balanced Life”

     My boyfriend and I started off the wrong way by living together before marriage.  We have taken that back a hundred fold, and we no longer live together.  However, after a year of living apart, it is extremely hard now!  We are struggling very badly right now.  He says I am not on the same spiritual level as him… though I am a believer in Jesus and the Word!  I am not, however, focused nearly as much as him in the Word.  He said he will not be unequally yoked again.  Because we argue still about me wanting him to spend more time with me and the kids, I am pulling him away from constantly being in the Word.  Am I supposed to forget life because he says there is nothing else to talk about?  Is it all about God, and we are only supposed to talk about Him?  Am I not supposed to talk about our future as a married couple or what our wedding will entail?  Now, because I am not 120% focused on just God, we are unequally yoked.  Is that true?  Am I wrong because I still desire to live life and talk about baseball and what the kids did at school and everything that life involves?  Am I really supposed to be so focused on God I forget all that is around me?  And if I am supposed to... how do I?  I love God, and I am so grateful for Jesus, and I study and learn more everyday.  I am very confused.  Are my boyfriend and I unequally yoked to the point that we should not be together any more?


Dear Confused,

First of all, good for you for making changes in your lives and no longer living together before marriage.  You did the right thing, and though it is hard, remember how pleased God is with your choice (Lk 15:7)!

Now let’s deal with the “unequally yoked” issue.  The verse that talks about being unequally yoked is 2 Cor 6:14, and it is dealing with a believer being connected to an unbeliever – from what you have said, that is not your situation.  A ‘yoke’ is a ‘harness used to tie oxen together, so that they can pull a plow or cart’.  When God tells us not to be “unequally yoked” to an unbeliever, He is warning us not to put ourselves in a position where we are committed and tied to someone who doesn’t share our values.  The most poignant example of this is marriage.  If two oxen are yoked but they are pulling in opposite directions – disastrous things happen.

In your case, you both care about the Lord, but he seems convinced that caring about the Lord means that you neglect all other things.  God tells us the opposite.  If you two eventually get married, God says that married people must divide their time between caring for the Lord’s work and caring for each other’s needs and future (1 Cor 7:32-34).  This is a concept that your boyfriend isn’t grasping.  Show him 1 Cor 7:32-34, and then see what He says about “dividing” his time.