“Where Is The Line?”

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

What does the Bible have to say about foreplay? And is it a sin if both people believe that they're in love, and the reason for it is not because of lust but because of love?

My boyfriend and I can tell the difference between lust and love in our relationship.  And when we are physical, we feel it as love and not as lust.  What I mean by that is that we don't look at each other just wanting to have foreplay with each other.

Can you give us some Biblical references to where we can determine if this is sin or not?

Sincerely,
Not Married Yet

Dear Not Married Yet,

Your question assumes that love and lust are mutually exclusive terms – they are not.  You can love someone and lust after them at the same time.  ‘Love’ is the choice to do what is in the best interest of another.  Love is best defined by the words of 1 Cor 13:4-7.  Love is the behavior that puts someone else’s needs and concerns before your own.  That type of love is what any and all healthy relationships are built upon… including romantic relationships.

You and your boyfriend love each other, but you also have a physical attraction to one another.  That physical attraction is normal, but it must be tempered and controlled until marriage.  When you “are physical”, you are increasing that physical lust instead of tempering it.  The very term ‘foreplay’ intimates that what you are doing is leading to further intimacy.  The Scriptures say “it is better to marry than to burn” (1 Cor 7:9).  If you can’t cool your jets and keep a healthy physical distance until marriage… you have a problem.

Before marriage, men and women need to keep healthy physical boundaries.  As the Song of Solomon says, “Do not stir up, nor awake my love, until he pleases” (SoS 2:7).  The physical side of a relationship is only a blessing within marriage – don’t rush into it.  Set up healthy boundaries and then stick to them.  Those boundaries need to be built off of respect for God and each other’s reputation.  A good rule of thumb is to ask, “Would I be okay with my brother or sister being in this situation?”  (1 Tim 5:2).  If your relationship is truly pure and strong, it is strong enough to wait.

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