“The Last Straw”

Friday, May 05, 2017

My fiancée is a recovering addict; he had been clean for a long time.  He used money to take care of responsibilities and also stole for the two weeks he went back to his addiction.  He moved back to his mother's house and has been gone a month.  He is asking to come home, and I am not sure of what to do.  I am trying to forgive him, but does forgiving him mean continuing letting him be a part of my life, or does forgiving him mean to just let it go as well as him?

Sincerely,
Down With Drugs

Dear Down With Drugs,

Forgiveness is not the same as trust.  We can forgive someone without trusting them.  You must also consider the fact that God tells us to avoid bad company because it will corrupt us (1 Cor 15:33).  Also, God doesn't want people to get married to someone who doesn't have the same values or standards because they will become unequally yoked to them (2 Cor 6:14).  Thirdly, it is important to remember that sometimes the loving thing to do for someone is to let them suffer the consequences of their choices.  It would be wrong for you to seek vengeance (Rom 12:19), but there is nothing wrong with letting people realize that their bad choices have consequences... such as a loss of trust, and in this case, the destruction of your engagement.

One final thing, we may have misunderstood you when you said he is "asking to come home", but if that means that he is wanting to live with you before you are married... that is always wrong and should be avoided as well (1 Cor 6:18).

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