I am a christian and so is my boyfriend of seventeen months, and the question I have is: when you’re in a relationship, do you have relationships with the opposite sex?  I say absolutely not, but my boyfriend feels there is nothing wrong with talking to a girl on the phone.  Why would one want to or have the need to speak to the opposite sex on the phone?  I am baffled by this; am I being a bad christian by not allowing this?  It appears that I don’t trust him, but I feel that talking on the phone with a friend could turn into more if allowed.  Your thoughts on this…

Sincerely,
On The Other Line

Dear On The Other Line,

If you are so concerned that a phone conversation will result in your boyfriend leaving you, you’ve got bigger problems than the phone.  The Bible points out that we will always have interactions with people of the opposite gender.  The key is to make sure those interactions are done in a way that is holy and blameless.  Paul told Timothy (who as a preacher would have had many interactions with women he was not married to) to treat “older women as mothers and younger women as sisters, with all purity” (1 Tim 5:2).

Christians should interact with all people, male and female, in a way that is above reproach (1 Tim 6:14).  Living above reproach means that you are careful to act in a way that shows integrity and avoids all appearances of evil (1 Thess 5:22).  We must always be careful to act with propriety towards the opposite gender as we interact with those in the world and our brothers and sisters in Christ.

My friend said it would be wrong to use our church's projector for my block party's movie night.  I can't afford to rent one, and I DO pay into the collection basket, so don't I own a share of this projector anyway?  It isn't stealing because it's kind of mine.  I know it is wrong to offend my friend's conscience, so I will make sure he doesn't know.  I'll take good care of it.  If he does happen to find out, what verse can I point to, so he sees reason?

Sincerely,
Host With The Most

Dear Host With The Most,

It would be hard to give you a verse to show your friend he is wrong because he is right.  The moment you place your money in the collection plate, it is no longer your money.  You are setting the money aside and taking up a collection to further God’s work (1 Cor 16:2).  That money is a gift that you are giving back to God, not an investment in future entertainment plans.  By your logic, the preacher’s car, home, clothes, etc. are also “kind of” yours.  Maybe you can drive his car (which is paid for from the collection plate) on Tuesdays at three o’clock, and others can use it at various times convenient to them… kind of like a timeshare.

The point is that our offerings to God should be gifts, and we should be cheerful givers (2 Cor 9:7).  Once you give the gift, it belongs to the church, and the church has very specific rules that govern its use of money (see “Blow Out The Candles” for further details on the specific responsibilities of the church).  So go ahead and avoid offending your friend’s conscience by leaving the projector where it is.

Does God care why someone goes to church?  My son was told that he could not go to church because he was going for the wrong reasons... he was attending and met a girl who also attends that church.

Sincerely,
Pew-Sitter

Dear Pew-Sitter,

Yes, God cares why someone attends services, but that doesn’t mean we should ban someone from coming just because they are attending with less than perfect motives.

Ultimately, God wants us to attend services, so we might praise Him with a broken and contrite heart (Ps 51:16-17).  He also wants us to attend services, so we might provoke others to love and good works (Heb 10:24-25).  In a perfect world, everyone would have God and others on their minds when they got together with the church… but we don’t live in a perfect world.

Many people have ulterior motives for going to church, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t welcome.  Paul even recognized that unbelievers will often attend church right alongside christians (1 Cor 14:16).  This is a positive thing.  Regardless of why someone goes to services, they are hearing the gospel and have an opportunity to learn from it.  No one should be denied the opportunity to see God’s Word in action.

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My parents are great christians.  I've been raised in a happy home.  I'm not a christian yet.  How do I figure out if this sort of a commitment is right for me?  The thought of breaking my parents' hearts is almost too much to bear, but I need to be able to make this my own.  I feel like I should already have made this decision; I'm not a kid anymore.  What part of the Bible can I read, so that everything clicks?

Sincerely,
Under My Own Burden

Dear Under My Own Burden,

You know the commitment is right for you if you are unable to live with the consequences of not making the commitment to God.  The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom (Pr 1:7).  We often forget that not choosing to become a christian is a choice, too.  We either serve God, or we serve something else; we cannot have two masters (Matt 6:24).  The consequence of obeying God’s Word is salvation and life (Rom 1:16).  The consequence of not serving God is death (Rom 6:23).

There is no magic trick or single verse that makes Christianity “click” for us.  Commitment happens when we weigh the benefits of Christ against the “benefits” of serving ourselves.  After you have counted the cost (Lk 14:28) of service and the cost of not serving, you can make your decision.  Just remember, indecision eventually becomes a decision as well.  Lukewarm is as bad, if not worse, than outright disobedience (Rev 3:16).  We will all eventually die and face the judgment (Heb 9:27).  Will you have lived and prepared for that day?