I have been going through a lot lately, and for the most part, it’s my fault.  I recently lost my job, and I had to move out of my apartment into a cheaper one (which I still don’t know how I’m going to pay for because I still haven’t found another job).  I’m starting to feel depressed and lonely; the sad part is that I still haven’t even told my family about the job loss.  I really don’t want anyone judging me.  I have two questions I would like to ask.  First question: does God forgive you for making the same mistake over and over again even when you know it’s wrong?  I know that I shouldn’t do certain things, but I do anyway; that’s what gets me into trouble.  Second question: I feel really horrible about the things I have done, and I just don’t know what to do with myself; am I supposed to feel this way?  I just want to start fresh and make things right with God, so I may live a happy and blessed life.

Sincerely,
Want A Do-Over

Dear Want A Do-Over,

There are two pieces to the puzzle of repetitive sins:

1. How many times can I ask for forgiveness for the same sin?
2. How do I remove this sin from my life, so I can start living without guilt, fear, and pain?

The answer to the first part is simple. You can ask for forgiveness an innumerable amount of times. Christ told Peter that we should forgive ‘seventy times seven’ (Matt 18:21-22). Paul was forgiven of his sins even after killing christians and actively persecuting the church (1 Tim 1:16). As often as we truly repent, God is ready to forgive (Lk 17:4). It is quite possible to truly repent of something and then find yourself doing that same thing not minutes later. It happens in arguments all the time! You say something mean, apologize, then find yourself upset again, and again use rash words. The repeating of the cycle is not necessarily an indication of false sorrow.

However, the second part of your question deals with stopping this cycle. God will forgive you for stumbling again into the same sin, but only if you are truly attempting to change your mind. Paul reminds us that we are to do everything we can to flee from the slavery to sin (Rom 6:1-2, Rom 6:12-13). Without knowing what sin you are caught up in, I can’t give specific advice, but I recommend getting help if it is as consuming as you say. Many sins can become addictions that are very hard to break. Here are some things to consider:

1. Are you trying to change all on your own? God says two are stronger than one (Eccl 4:9-10). In the case of sin like pornography, many people try and struggle through it alone without seeking help because of the shame involved in it becoming known. This rarely, if ever, works. Telling someone, even just one trusted friend, and using things like Covenant Eyes accountability software can make all the difference in such circumstances.
2. Are you putting yourself in compromising situations? People with drug and alcohol addictions are often tempted back into their old habits by drinking buddies or parties where drugs are made available. You may need to cut off certain people and habits from your life in order to escape that sort of sin. Remember, Christ said it would be better to remove even your own hand if it would free you from a sin (Matt 5:30).

Removing sin from our lives is a constant struggle. God is ready to forgive you ‘seventy times seven’ as you fight to defeat sin, but you must look yourself in the mirror and make sure you are taking the steps necessary to change your life.

       My sister is VERY angry, angry at God over a health condition because she has asked many, many times to be healed, had people pray over her many times, has not been healed, and now has to go through surgery.  If she were (God forbid) to die before having that resolved, if ever, would she still go to heaven?  She still believes there is a God and became a born-again many years ago.  She definitely has changed her beliefs about a lot of biblical things that were taught her through the years, but I am really wondering about this.  I wonder what God and Jesus think, knowing how angry she is.  And what if she even called God a name that was not nice?  That came out of her pain and fear, I know.  Thank you.

Sincerely,
Suffering Sibling

Dear Suffering Sibling,

It is questions like these that make us very thankful that we don’t have to do God’s job.  God is the final judge, not us (Heb 12:23), so we can’t specifically tell you whether or not your sister will go to heaven.  We are warned against bitterness and wrath (Eph 4:31); there is no doubt that it is a sin to live with hate in your heart for anyone… especially God.  However, no one goes to heaven based upon sinless living; we go to heaven based upon our faith in Jesus Christ (Jhn 14:6).  Your sister’s eternal fate will depend upon whether or not she has allowed her anger to turn her away from God or whether she is faithful, but struggles, with this attitude problem.

I had asked you a few months ago, basically, how many times someone can ask for forgiveness.

Well, now I am asking you a different question.

I got diagnosed this year with cancer.  They also think there might be a tumor in my brain (which they are currently diagnosing).  Sometimes, when I allow myself to feel, I feel like I can't seem to keep things together.  I am at a loss.  I am not scared to die, but I am scared of dying without completing my purpose.  I am so scared of dying without feeling like I helped others or have done something with my life.

On one side, I am grateful to have a timeline and to have time to somehow do the most I can with it.  On the other side, I am still going through the processes of grief (denial, anger, depression, etc.).  Some days it seems like I'm fine, and other days I just want to break down and cry.

I am so grateful for the time to appreciate my loved ones and life and very, very appreciative of the time to further my spiritual belief… while at other times, I feel lost.  I feel completely alone.  I cannot burden those around me with my thoughts and feelings.  The only thing that's kept me alive through all my suffering has been the thought that I had this great purpose, this life-changing purpose.  And to be told that I will die soon, I feel as though I fooled myself.  I never achieved anything, only failed.  I feel like a complete failure.  I know God hasn't deserted me, but yet, I feel like I have failed.  I have failed in everything, and now I am dying.  It's my worst fear, to die without a purpose.  Please help me.  I have no one else.  Thank you.

Sincerely,
Near The End

Dear Near The End,

The apostle Paul once said that God sets the seasons of our lives and the boundaries of our habitation on this planet (Acts 17:26).  Life is finite for all of us, but when we read of struggles like yours, it makes that knowledge fresh again.  Thank you for having the courage to share your heartache and struggles with us.

Nobody is perfect, and it isn’t fair to measure your life by your failures… that isn’t how God does it.  Jesus was impressed by great faith, not perfect faith (Lk 7:9).  Jesus marveled at the humility of the woman that had the courage to reach out for help (Matt 15:25-28)… it wasn’t her perfect life; it was her humble plea for help that caught His attention.

Your purpose in life may not be what you thought it was, but God has a way of using us to do His work in the most unexpected ways (Esther is a good example of this – Esther 4:14).  This sickness may allow you to learn things and touch lives in ways you never imagined… you’ve certainly touched ours.  Be faithful, and the Lord will use you.  A life lived for the Lord, no matter how long, is never wasted.  You are in our thoughts and prayers.

     This is my question: my mother and father are very bad people; they use people and hurt people.  They abused us until we were old enough to get away.  Now that we have moved away, we want nothing to do with them at all.  We don’t hate them and have forgiven them in our hearts, but my father gets our number every now and then and tells us that we are ugly souls because we won't let him and my mother back into our lives and that we need to talk to a preacher and ask for forgiveness.  He said that if we really forgave him, we would let him back around us.  My father has come into our house; the last time he was here, he wrecked it by dumping trash everywhere and punching holes in the wall all because he was having a bad day, and my mother has stolen from us on many occasions (one time in the amount of $1,500).  My mother and father have never apologized for any of this and continue to behave in this manner; this is why we choose to have nothing to do with them.  Are we in the wrong?  Should we let them come around again?

Sincerely,
Bruised Kid

Dear Bruised Kid,

Showing forgiveness is not the same as trusting someone.  You have every right to set boundaries in your life if someone is corrupting you with their bad company (1 Cor 15:33).  If you have respectfully tried to show your parents the boundaries (and it sounds like you have), there comes a time when you must put your immediate family before your extended family.  You have a responsibility to your parents, but you have a greater responsibility to your work out your own salvation (Php 2:12).  It is unfortunate that you are in this situation, but Christ even said that sometimes Christian morality will divide families (Matt 10:34-35).  We cannot tell you exactly what lines to draw (that is a matter of wisdom, not doctrine), but you are perfectly scriptural in setting boundaries if they aren’t trustworthy or good influences.

     My question is in reference to the Holy Spirit.  Do all people who are truly saved have the Holy Spirit?  Will you go to hell if you don't have the indwelling of the Holy Spirit?  How do you know for sure that you have the indwelling of the Holy Spirit if you don't speak in tongues?

Sincerely,
God In Me?

Dear God In Me,

The gifts of the Holy Spirit that allowed people to perform miracles (like speaking in tongues) were received through the direct laying on of hands of the apostles (Acts 8:17-18). These gifts of the Holy Spirit no longer exist because they ended with the last person that the last apostle laid his hands upon.

Christians do have the Holy Spirit dwell in them (Rom 8:9) – but not literally. The Holy Spirit dwells in Christians in the same metaphorical way that Christ dwells in Christians (Rom 8:10). The Holy Spirit and Jesus do not physically dwell inside Christians miraculously. They dwell within Christians in a figurative way because a Christian’s life follows the path the Holy Spirit and Christ set for them.

The Holy Spirit dwells in those that follow the Bible and put to death their previous sinful lifestyles (Rom 8:12-14). The Holy Spirit gave us the Bible, and when we follow it, we are led by the Spirit (read “What The Holy Spirit Does” for further details). Those who are led by the Spirit are sons of God, and the Spirit dwells in them (Rom 8:14-16).

If you would like more information on this topic, we have an entire series of sermons on the Holy Spirit that can be downloaded or viewed by clicking here.