Is it right to divorce my second spouse (and just live with him), so I can receive Social Security benefits from my first husband (who is deceased)?  I can only draw $320.00 on my own benefits.

Sincerely,
Penny Pincher

Dear Penny Pincher,

Divorce is only permissible when adultery has occurred (Matt 19:9).  Divorcing your spouse for Social Security benefits isn't right.  You may disagree with the Social Security laws, but God tells us to live peacefully under the laws of whatever nation in which we dwell (Rom 13:1-4).  You married your current spouse, and in so doing, accepted the implications of those marriage vows.  Many Americans are suffering in these difficult economic times, and many marriages are freshly remembering that they vowed to stay married "for richer and for poorer".  May God sustain you and your husband in your trying financial circumstances.

     In Matt. 5:28, the Word states, "But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart."  Do you feel that if a man (or woman) looks at pornography that the woman would have grounds for divorce for sexual immorality?

Sincerely,
Unexposed

Dear Unexposed,

Matt 5:28 is discussing the attitude of lust and that it is the same as committing adultery in your heart.  The actual act of adultery hasn’t happened, but the attitude behind it exists.  If a wife/husband could divorce their spouse for thinking lustful thoughts, then we should also throw everyone angry with others in jail for murder (Matt 5:21-22).
The Bible makes it clear that the act of adultery involves two people becoming one flesh (1 Cor 6:16), and it involves more than just an act of the mind, but an act of the body (1 Cor 6:18).

Can you please give some Christian advice for single women?  How should we wait for God to bring a man into our life?

Thank you.

Sincerely,
Waiting On God

Dear Waiting On God,

The Bible gives no specific statements about how to look for a future spouse. God instead speaks to the attitudes we must have and the dangers that exist in the world of romance.

1. Don’t force it.  Song of Solomon is an entire book devoted to romance and marriage.  The chorus of that book is the same over and over (Songs 2:7) – it is a warning to avoid forcing relationships merely for the ‘fun’ of romance.
2. Who they are matters more than how they look.  The Bible praises godly spouses for their character (Pr 31:10).  Beauty fades, but one’s values endure.  Make sure you are spending your time getting to know people for who they are and for what they find important.
3. Surround yourself with godly advice.  When we are in the here and now of a romantic relationship, we often get caught up with our emotions and lose perspective.  That makes it especially important to get the advice of those around you who are wiser and less biased.  Parents, grandparents, and other trusted advisors should be sought out as you search for a mate.  Surrounding yourself with many good counselors protects you from making a emotional decision that has lifelong consequences (Pr 11:14).
4. Godly spouses are found by being godly people.  Look at the book of Ruth - Ruth had no reason to hope for a good marriage.  She was a widow, poor, a foreigner, and even had a dependent mother-in-law "holding her back", and yet, she ends up marrying a wonderful godly man who noticed her because she was godly.  Birds of a feather flock together.  If you want a good spouse, be a good person; good potential mates will gravitate toward you.

Marriage is one of the greatest blessings that God gives mankind.  If we do it God’s way, finding a spouse can be a joy and lead to a lifetime of happiness.

I've been dating my fiancé now for almost three years, and I'm twenty-four, almost twenty-five years old.  We got engaged this past September.  He is the only man I have done anything sexual with.  We have not had sex, but we have done everything else.  I want to have sex so badly, and so does he, but I'm hesitant to because I don't want to sin more than I already have.  Our wedding is not until next September.  Is it really a sin to give yourself to one man who you are committed to be with for the rest of your life and love so much?  What does the Bible say?  And does it matter that when the Bible was written, women married much earlier in life, and a woman's honor was everything she had?  Now there isn't a stigma against a woman who sleeps with a man she loves.  Please give me your opinion.

Sincerely,
Ready To Wed

Dear Ready To Wed,

Yes, it would be wrong if you slept with him before marriage.  God understands the strain and toll that waiting for marriage takes upon young couples, and He provides a solution if the strain becomes too great… get married.  1 Cor 7:9 specifically says that it is better to marry than to burn with passion.  You said that you are getting married next September.  Wedding dates are set for reasons of convenience, location, weather, etc.  All of those reasons pale in comparison to living pure and faithful lives before God.  If you and your fiancé cannot wait without sinning, then you must flee fornication (1 Cor 6:18) and get married now.  The pomp and circumstance of a formal wedding ceremony is not as important as going to heaven.  Pre-marital sex will taint your relationship with your future husband and with God.

The Bible’s teachings are timeless and unwavering.  Just because culture changes doesn’t mean God does (Jas 1:17).  It is a sad thing that today’s society accepts pre-marital sex.  Be bold; be different… be pure (2 Tim 2:22).

I have recently become engaged; we were planning on a March wedding.  Since I have never been married before and am almost fifty years of age, I want the fairy tale... the problem is work and bills right now.  Would it be wrong to get married privately and have a mock ceremony later with family and friends?  Would this matter in God’s eyes?

Sincerely,
The Blushing Bride

Dear The Blushing Bride,

Congratulations on your engagement!  As long as you aren’t deceiving people by having a mock ceremony later (in other words, everyone knows you were married privately beforehand), then you are perfectly fine.  God deeply cares about the institution of marriage (Matt 19:4-6), but He leaves the details of the wedding ceremony to individual taste.  Wedding details are molded by culture, the personality of couple, financial restraints, and dozens of other factors.  If you and your fiancée decide to have a small private wedding and then later renew your vows in a larger venue – more power to you.  Place God in the center of your marriage, and all the rest will just be details.