I recently had sex without being married.  Can I be forgiven, and will I still go to heaven?

Sincerely,
Worried

Dear Worried,

Yes, you can be forgiven… but you need to change your lifestyle.  For a christian to be forgiven of a sin, they need to confess their sins (1 Jn 1:8-10) and then repent (Acts 3:19).  ‘Repent’ means ‘to change your mind’.  Part of true repentance is fleeing from future fornication (1 Cor 6:18).  You need to make sure that this single act doesn’t become a lifestyle.  Sincere confession and repentance are all that a christian needs to do to receive forgiveness – however, if you are not yet a christian, you also need to be baptized to receive salvation (1 Pet 3:21, Mk 16:16, Acts 2:38).  If you would like help finding a faithful church to attend where you can start a new life with the hope of heaven, e-mail us at askyourpreacher@mvchurchofchrist.org, and we will help you locate a group of God-fearing believers in your area.

     I love someone who has the same gender as me, and we're both Christians.  Is this wrong?  We love God above all.  Our preacher preached about this and made me scared because I do not want to go to hell, neither does my partner.  I do not want her to be in any trouble.  I love her so much, and I do not want to let her go.  Please help me.  Is loving someone the same gender as yours a sin?  Help me please.

Sincerely,
In Love

Dear In Love,

Homosexuality is definitely a sin (Rom 1:26-27).  Any sexual activity outside of God’s plan for marriage is fornication.  Homosexual behavior, pre-marital sex, adultery, etc. are all sinful and Jesus condemned them all when He taught the right way for men and women to behave.  God doesn’t force anyone to act upon same-sex attractions, just like God doesn’t force an alcoholic to the bottle or a wrathful husband to strike his wife.  How we act is a choice, not a genetic equation.  There is a lot of debate over why some people have same-sex attractions, but at the end of the day, your temptations need to be mastered.  When Cain was angry, God told Cain to rule over sin or it would devour him (Gen 4:7).  Same-sex attractions are a temptation that stems from within a person, just like anger, unhealthy opposite-sex attractions, and a thousand other temptations (Jas 1:13-14).  The key is that there is always a way of escape from those unhealthy desires (1 Cor 10:13).  You and this other woman need to flee the fornication of homosexuality (1 Cor 6:18).

     My husband and I were converted to Christianity almost six years ago.  I am grateful each and every day that we made that choice and have chosen to raise our kids up in the way of the Lord.  There have been many trials along the way, and I'm sure there will be many more to come.  However, as I am growing in the Word, I can see my husband take the "backseat" or "lukewarm" approach more and more often.  As my children are getting older, I think they are starting to catch on; this saddens me deeply.  I guess my question is: if you see someone "slipping away" and you've already made known your concern to them (and they get defensive whenever you make another attempt or effort), what do you do?  I guess in my "ideal Christian husband world" I would never have to send this because we would both be reading this and discussing these posts together... which I have recommended several times, and he sees me doing it all the time.

Sincerely,
Through Thick and Thin

Dear Through Thick And Thin,

Your situation is a difficult one and very hard to endure.  That feeling of being spiritually alone in your marriage is both trying and discouraging.  Here is the problem – there is nothing you can say to your husband that will make him want to change.  Since you’ve already talked to him before, you have seen how true that is.

Perhaps this is why the Bible says that the way a wife can change her husband is by her actions instead of her words.  1 Pet 3:1 says that a wife’s greatest tool against spiritual apathy in her husband is her own behavior.  1 Pet 3:1-6 outline the way a wife can make a difference, and it isn’t by taking over and forcing him to be spiritually active; it is by letting him lead the family but balancing that subjection with reverence for God.  This is a tricky thing to do!  Never compromise your own morals and spirituality, but allow him to lead in everything else.  This sort of meek and gentle behavior is God’s recipe for a wife to get to the heart of her husband, so he can be roused from his spiritual slumber.  This sort of behavior can prick your husband’s heart and also highlight for your children how important Christ is in your life.

Well, the last couple of days have really been tough...my girlfriend and I thought we conceived a baby (we are not married, and I know that is a sin), but I asked for forgiveness... but then it all fell apart.  I loved her and trusted her... she ended up telling me there was a possibility that the baby might not be mine; she left me because it was hard to be with me after she told me, and I admit it was hard, but I was willing to forgive and let go, but she left, and now she has told me that the doctors told her she probably lost the child.  I don’t know if the kid was mine, but I feel like it was.  I had dreams about it and saw myself with a lil’ boy I had never seen before.  I was so happy to find out I was going to be a daddy and was going to raise him right by God.  I’m not sure if it’s mine or if she miscarried.  I just want advice on why things like this happen.  I tried my hardest to make it work, and I wanted to be happy, but it all fell apart.  I’m twenty years old, and this is one of the hardest, if not the hardest, things I’ve ever dealt with.  I lost the love of my life and my possible child, plus she had a daughter, and she would call me “Dad”, so it’s like I lost two children.  Please, I need the Lord’s Word to get through this, so please help!

Sincerely,
Floundering

Dear Floundering,

You are experiencing the pain of sin in a very real and personal way.  God does offer forgiveness if we place our faith in Him (read “What Must I Do To Be Saved” for more details), but that forgiveness doesn’t remove the consequences of sin.  David sinned when he committed adultery with Bathsheba (2 Sam 11:2-4); God forgave David of the sin when David repented (2 Sam 12:13), but David’s child still died as a consequence of that sin (2 Sam 12:14).  Sin has both spiritual and physical consequences.  The spiritual consequence of sin is eternal death unless we are forgiven in Christ (Rom 6:23).  The physical consequences of sin still remain after forgiveness.  God says that we reap what we sow (Gal 6:7).  When we behave immorally toward a woman, lose our temper, mistreat others, are bad examples for our children, etc. – there are consequences to those choices.  God wants you to have a happy and healthy life here on this planet.  The only way to do that is to trust His Word that teaches us everything about life (2 Pet 1:3).  We are so sorry that your road has been so difficult as of late; hopefully, this will become an opportunity for you to start with a new commitment to live as God intends.  If you would like help finding a faithful congregation in your area (not all churches are equal) to help you on that journey, we would be happy assist you in locating one.  Simply e-mail us at askyourpreacher@mvchurchofchrist.org.

My husband is a christian who added a Satanist to his facebook friends list.  I guess he knew him in basic training.  So my question is: should he have done this?  I mean, he thinks he can win this guy over, but I don't think so.  I just think he is thick-skinned and evil.  I had a nightmare about him.  My husband deleted him from facebook for me.  Should he have added this guy in the first place?  This is a man who has Satan as his profile picture.  Thanks for your time.

Sincerely,
Pitch The Pitchfork

Dear Pitch The Pitchfork,

You wrote, “He thinks he can win this guy over, but I don’t think so.”  The whole issue is one of wisdom and discretion.  You are worried that bad company corrupts good morals (1 Cor 15:33), and your husband is trying to make sure that his light shines for all to see (Matt 5:16).  Both opinions are perfectly valid and Bible-based.  The question is over which one is more applicable in this circumstance… that is a matter of opinion, not doctrine.  You and your husband must decide what is best, but remember that this isn’t an issue of right and wrong.