I am having a baby, but I am not married to her father.  My father said that this will be his child, not ours, if we don't get married.  He's a christian.  But is this in the Bible somewhere?!  If not, what can I say to him?

Sincerely,
Mad Mama

Dear Mad Mama,

There is a great deal involved in your situation, but you have only asked us to handle one piece of your difficult puzzle.  For the sake of clarity, we will only deal with the specific question of whether or not the baby belongs to you or your parent.

The baby does belong to both you and its father.  If for no other reason then the laws of the land stipulate that the biological parents, unless deemed legally unfit, have rightful guardianship over the child.  The Bible says to obey the laws of the land (1 Pet 2:13).  There is no Scripture that would provide a grandparent with the authority to take a child from the parent.  Having said that, there are quite likely some extraneous details that are involved in your situation that you are not making us aware of.  Anytime children are born outside of marriage there are thousands of issues involved because of the traumatic circumstances surrounding that child’s birth.  The Bible issue is clear; it is your baby… and your responsibility to do whatever is necessary to give that child a godly rearing (Pr 22:6).

My ex adopted three kids after we divorced.  I have tried to be a dad figure in their lives.  I have decided to start dating, and ex says I can no longer see the kids.  They have all had horrible dads that were abusive or absent.  I don't want to be another person that walks out on them.  Will God judge me for not being there even though I want to be but can't because of my ex?  Am I selfish to want to move on with my life?  I love these kids, and they tell friends that I am their dad.

Sincerely,
Distant Dad

Dear Distant Dad,

You can only do what you can do.  If you can be involved in their lives, even in a small way – you should.  Even though you aren’t their biological father, they view you that way.  You have a responsibility to do whatever you can to be involved and do good in their lives (Gal 6:10).

Having said that, it sounds like you don’t have a lot of control over the issue.  God only holds us accountable for what we are capable of doing (2 Cor 8:11-12).  You must be ready and willing to be involved, but if your ex-wife forbids you from being involved, you are no longer bound.

Pray about this issue (1 Thess 5:17).  Ask God for wisdom and petition your ex-wife for the opportunity to continue to do what you know is right.  After that, trust the Lord and find peace that He will make all things work together for good (Rom 8:28).

I currently work outside of the home, but many of my friends tell me that a christian woman cannot have a job.  Does God say that I have to be a stay-at-home mom?

Sincerely,
Overworked

Dear Overworked,

Being a stay-at-home mom is a job – a very important one – that shouldn’t be neglected.  The Bible never says that a woman can’t work outside the home; in fact, it gives many examples of faithful women working secular jobs.  Lydia was a seller of beautiful fabric (Acts 16:14).  The worthy woman of Proverbs 31 is depicted as buying and selling land (Pr 31:16).  The problem isn’t with women working outside of the home; it is when women neglect their homes and families.

God tells us that older women are to train younger women to be “workers at home”, “love their children”, and “love their husbands” (Tit 2:3-5).  Paul told Timothy that women are to “rule the household” (1 Tim 5:14).  Both of these verses indicate that women play a pivotal and central role in running the home.  As much as men are admonished to provide and lead their families, women are taught to not neglect the sphere of the home and family.  Pr 14:1 says that women should build their homes and invest effort and time into establishing those homes.

If a woman works outside of the home (which is perfectly scriptural), she must make sure that she does not neglect the home.  Proverbs 31 shows us what an important and wonderful job being a wife and a mother can be.  A woman who dedicates herself to her family will be pleasing to God, and her family will rise up and call her “blessed” (Pr 31:28-31).

If I don't have my child christened, will he go to hell?

 

Sincerely,
Nervous Mother

Dear Nervous Mother,

All children go to heaven.  David’s son died and went to heaven (2 Sam 12:23).  ‘Christening’, also known as ‘infant baptism’, is nowhere to be found in the Bible.  Children are not baptized; adults are.  Baptism is only for believers (Mk 16:16).  You must be old enough to understand and repent (Acts 2:38).  Infants can neither believe nor repent.  It is adults, men and women, who hear the gospel news and then obey it through baptism (Acts 8:12).  Baptism must be requested by the individual wanting it (Acts 8:36)… babies cannot request baptism.  All babies go to heaven; baptism is for those of us who have grown up, rebelled, sinned, and need our sins removed (Acts 22:16).

My wife and I raised two wonderful God-fearing children who both married christian spouses.  My son, after several years of marriage and three small children, began to "cheat" on his wife and lie to us.  She divorced him on grounds of adultery and the church withdrew fellowship as he was unrepentant.  This was very painful for his mother and me to endure, especially as our unbelieving families could not understand the church’s (and our) take on discipline of the ungodly.  My son now wants to "normalize" relations with me as his father (which I desire as well), but continues to live in sin and proclaim his hatred for Christianity.  I have seen many christian parents ignore the instruction to withdraw from the ungodly when it is their adult-child being disciplined.  My son does not want me to compromise my faith, but wants me to accept his lifestyle and renew our father-son relationship.  What should I do?

 

Sincerely,
Hurting Father

Dear Hurting Father,

It appears that you have answered your own question at the end of your letter. We will point that out later, but first we will give some Bible teachings that might help you make the right decision.  Your letter explains a very difficult dilemma that some Christians have to face because we are commanded to “withdraw from” (2 Thess 3:6, 1 Cor 5:1-13) and “have no company with” an ungodly christian.  We are to do this for the sinner’s own good, hoping it will bring shame on them and they will repent (2 Thess 3:14). This, then, is really a loving thing to do even though it is a hurtful and sorrowful act for all people involved.  As we look at the other side of the coin, we have teachings concerning family relationships that do not apply when you deal with a non-family member.  We are to care for our own family (1 Tim 5:8).  Children are to honor their parents (Eph 6:2, Matt 15:4).  These are relevant passages when a parent is dealing with a young, ungodly child.  However, the passages do not seem to apply to you since you are the parent and since your son is no longer dependent on your care.

Now, back to your own comments. Here are some things we notice in your personal analysis of the problem that we think are significant.  You say your son is not interested in repentance but continues to live in sin and proclaim his hatred for Christianity.  You said he only wants to "normalize" relations with you as his father.  In other words, there is no sorrow or repentance involved – which is the very purpose of any “withdrawal” action.

You also expressed your true feelings when you said, “I have seen many Christian parents ignore instruction to withdraw from the ungodly when it is their adult-child being disciplined.”  Your statement shows that you believe you did what was right; therefore it would involve a conscience problem if you decide to do exactly the opposite (Rom. 14:22-23).  If you violate your conscience, you know that you are sinning.  Your last sentence is also very revealing and shows there will be a conscience problem.  You said, “My son does not want me to compromise my faith but wants me to accept his lifestyle.”  First, this is an impossibility, and second, it shows that you would be compromising your faith if you did so.

This is a painful situation, and we here at AYP express our sympathy for you and pray that you will make the right decision as you consider the Scriptures and your conscience on this matter.