“Exit Strategy”

Wednesday, April 10, 2019

     Hi, I have a question about leaving our church.  We have attended this church for almost four years.  The whole time we have been at this church, there have been various problems caused by one person (the Pastor's daughter).  She continuously acts in ways opposite of the Bible; she gossips about people to others in our church and then turns around and acts as if she loves the person.  In the last four years, she has consistently changed for the worse.  She dresses in ways that can make a brother stumble.  During this time, her dad and mom (Pastor and Pastor's wife) have lowered their standards and changed their views on many things because of their daughter.  My husband and I (and many others) have gone to the Pastor on several occasions concerning issues we have had with his daughter.  All of these times, the blame has been turned around on the person coming to the Pastor.  There seems to be a pull to this woman, almost like a spirit.  It affects our children and women.  We have tried to stick it out in this church, but it is really hindering our children and us.  There are other issues as well, but this is the main issue.  There has never been anything done openly to address this sin; wouldn't this be overdue?  I really want to do what God wants, but this is really affecting our family and many other families in our church.  The situation is hard to explain and hard for you to get the complete feel of if you’re not in it, so I hope I have explained it well enough.  I am looking for Scripture and advice.  Thank you.

Sincerely,
When To Leave?

Dear When To Leave,

I have no doubt that we aren't clearly seeing the total picture from what you have described, but truthfully, we don't have to.  It is always more important to care for your own spiritual health than to remain with a church (Php 2:12).  In the end, your family's spiritual health must come first.  This congregation is not helping you grow, and your souls are more important.  One of the issues you are facing is simply the fact that the congregation is led by a single pastor – the Bible teaches that congregations should have multiple elders guiding the church.  A multiplicity of pastors avoids situations like this where one man's blindness leads to strife and destruction.  Read "Pastors" for specific verses on that issue.

For the sake of your family, you should look for a church that is trying to follow the New Testament pattern as closely as possible.  A congregation doesn’t need to be full of perfect people, but they need to be trying to faithfully follow God’s Word and not their own ideologies.  The following are a few markers of what you should find in every church that is faithful to Christ’s Word:

1. Their name should be Biblical. Church of Christ (Rom 16:16), the church (Acts 14:27), church of God (1 Cor 1:2), the Way (Acts 24:14) – all of these are Biblical names given to a local congregation. Having the right name on the front of the building doesn’t mean they are the right church, but if they can’t even get their name from the Bible, they probably aren’t worth wasting your time on.
2. Their doctrine should be a copy of the New Testament (Acts 2:42). Any creeds, ‘statements of faith’, articles of belief, manuals, or handbooks are from man and not from God. You want a congregation that uses the Bible to decide their practices.
3. They are autonomous. Every congregation of the New Testament had independence. Only local elders were over them (1 Pet 5:1-2, Acts 14:23).They were bound to follow Christ as their only head (Eph 5:23). No boards or committees, no headquarters in some other state, no popes or potentates – what you are looking for is a local body of believers which is accountable to Christ and His Word.
4. The church’s work should be simple. The church of the first century wasn’t involved in every community and political arena. Their work was focused on three things – caring for needy christians (Acts 4:34), preaching to the lost, and teaching the saved (Acts 15:35). Find a congregation who is committed to being about Christ’s work.
5. They should be open to examination. Any congregation that is serving Christ should be willing to explain why they do what they do. They should be willing to be examined because they are constantly examining themselves (2 Cor 13:5). There is nothing wrong with asking a congregation where their practices can be found in the New Testament.Ask questions and expect Bible answers for them.

These five things are by no means all of the characteristics of Christ’s church, but this should help narrow down your options significantly. Most people accept mediocrity from their church; don’t do that. It is unfair to expect the people of a congregation to be perfect… you will never find perfect humans. However, you should demand intellectual honesty and Biblical faithfulness from any congregation you want to be a member of. If you would like additional help as you look for a faithful congregation in your area, please email us at askyourpreacher@mvchurchofchrist.org and we would be happy to help you look.

Share